A survey in NZ recently found that more than 50% of teenagers felt that didn’t really get enough time with their parents. This is significant, because having a close relationship with one parent is an important predictor of good health and well-being for young people, according to Simon Denny, of Auckland University.
The survey of almost 10,000 students at 96 New Zealand secondary schools asked questions about time spent with parents, family relationships and living arrangements. It was published on May 23rd to mark the start of Youth Week.
The issue of time spent with family members is an important one. Western society has evolved from a traditional whānau (extended family) model centring around the home, to the nuclear family, with usually one parent travelling to work and the other parent and children living in the suburbs, often far distant from extended family. New changes are taking place with more working parents, and split or reconstituted families becoming more common.
Our children are encouraged to be independent from an ever earlier age, having to navigate a busy schedule of school and extra-curricular activities, with often hands-off supervision by parents who are at work. Primary schools are teaching children as young as five and six years about timetabling and signing up for activities, and taking responsibility for their own learning.
Giving children a voice and more responsibility is a good thing, but there is no sign that they don’t still need strong support from adults they can trust. Absentee parenting can leave children feeling isolated and dealing with issues about which they have no experience. Certainly, having an environment in which it is safe to try and fail builds confidence to take risks, as well as inner strength.
Supportive, loving, challenging and respectful relationships are what build strong, independent, caring individuals. Spend time with your kids, or your friends’ kids, your nephews, nieces, second cousins and grand-kids. Not only quality time, not special time. Just time. Lots of it.