What will happen when a generation of mollycoddled, over-protected children grows up? Kiwis have a pretty can-do approach, but even our tendency to provide our kids with challenges is coming under fire. Take the story of a family who had a visit from the government family services because they allowed their 9-year-old son and his 4-year-old sister to play unsupervised in the local school playground. On first reading I was horrified, then I reconsidered my reaction. I walked to school alone from the age of 5. I cycled when I was 10, crossing one of the busiest streets in town, where I was terrified of getting squashed between buses. I used to trot off down to the local park alone from the age of 8, meeting up with my 6-year-old friend.
The father of the family in the article wanted to provide his children with the freedom and responsibility he enjoyed as a child. But I was shocked at my own first reaction.
Family services have a difficult job in finding the balance between protecting children from family violence, abuse and neglect, and not interfering with the different ways parents choose to bring up their children. New Zealand has removed the defence of ‘reasonable force’ from legislation related to hitting children, and is about to vote in a citizens’ referendum on whether smacking should be a criminal offense.
Should a 9-year-old be allowed to walk to the local playground and play unsupervised for up to two hours? That depends so very much on the child, the family, and the environment. Two hours is a long time, and all sorts of things can happen. Bad things and good things. Children can relax and explore and feel like masters of their own destiny, at least for a while. Or a child could be taken in that time, and be a long way gone. However, these children played in groups, so were they able to keep themselves safe? How likely is abduction? Is it justified to take away a child’s freedom to explore against the need to keep them safe? The consequences of an attack on a child are devastating. But what are the consequences of never allowing them freedom?
I have a real concern that our generation of parents is bringing up children that are a) totally self-centred, b) fearful and litigious, and c) lacking in life skills to keep themselves safe. How old do children need to be before they have a chance to learn to take care of themselves? Will we still be supervising our adult children while they remain at home during their years of tertiary study? And another consequence not yet mentioned. We may be bringing up children that are severely lacking in self confidence, in their ability to manage their own lives.
More and more parents are reconsidering this excessively protective approach to child-rearing. Websites such as Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy advocate that parents reclaim independence for their children. And how many parents who provide opportunities for their kids to learn to fend for themselves will get abused by other, more risk-averse parents and questioned by increasingly controlling government agencies?